• Me: (cooking bacon)
  • Fire alarm: EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE EVERYWHERE.
  • Me: Damn it. (retrieving stepladder)
  • Fire alarm: ALL THINGS THAT EVER WERE OR EVER WILL BE ARE NOW ABLAZE. ABANDON YOUR HOPES AND YOUR CHILDREN AND FLEE.
  • Me: (jabbing at smoke alarm with broom)
  • Fire alarm: CAUTION THE FIRE HAS EVOLVED CRUDE TOOLS AND IS ATTEMPTING TO SILENCE MY WARNINGS. LAMENT, BROTHERS! LAMENT! TELL MY WIFE I WAS FAITHFUL TO THE END.
  • from fauxbias.tumblr

posted 4 months ago